So I’ve been chatting to a friend of mine who’s going through some family crap at the moment. Her bi-polar, alcoholic sister is executor of her dad’s will and she’s being her usual mental self about it. I tried to cheer her up with a few random facts about my haphazard life as follows:
My house is such a tip that if the NSPCC randomly call round right now, my children will be taken into care immediately.
The Dad asked this morning which of the piles of clothes on the floor were the clean ones and which were dirty.
The Dog stole the butter from the table and tried to eat it but didn’t so I took it out of her basket and put it back on the table. There are two open packets of butter on the table now and I don’t know which is which.
The Boy decided to have cough sweet and potato for dinner last night. The cough sweet was covered in dog hairs, grim.
The Girl then managed to poo on her hand (in the bathroom).
I made chicken casserole yesterday afternoon and heated it up when the Dad got home. But I didn’t. I put it all out on the plates and we started eating it and it was tepid. It was 9pm and we were too tired to heat it up again (no microwave). Cold stew…yum.
I bent down to get something this morning and the Girl said ‘mum what’s happened to your hair???’, I panicked and thought something was wrong….she said ‘it’s all white on top’.
I now only wash my hair when it starts to get itchy.
The friend loved it (OK so she messaged me a laughing emotion) and said “thanks for making me see the bright side”. I immediately googled ‘quotes on the bright side of life’ and sent her back this gem.
“I had no shoes and complained until I met a man who had no feet.”
She replied that the man with no feet did not have her sister….
It wasn’t until later that the true hilarity of that quote struck me. I mean, how many people have no feet? And where are you likely to meet them? Quick Google search. OK so some people do have no feet and that must be shit. But even more shit if your sister is also a bi-polar, alcoholic, control freak who once puked down the side of the bed and didn’t clean it up for 3 days.
Earworm: Fireman Sam theme tune
Different dinner score: 3