7 tips that WILL change your life

Ha! Fooled you there….

I have no tips, no ‘hacks’, no tricks or shortcuts. Just one mum muddling along, muttering “more haste less speed” and being late as always.

Occasionally I do click on the links though desperate to find out the:

  • 100 life hacks that WILL make your LIFE EASY
  • 10 Life Hacks That Will Totally Change the Way You Shower
  • 16 Money-Saving Life Hacks You Can Do With Everyday Products
  • 19 Gross Life Hacks That Are Actually Brilliant
  • 21 Awesome Life Hacks Every Girl Should Know

But I’m routinely disappointed with the advice. I’m not sure I want to repurpose old yoga mats into flip flops (who has old yoga mats?) or tape a Bounce sheet on to the radiator to make my room smell better. And I’m certainly not about to make a DIY iPhone speaker using a toilet roll, make a dust pan from a milk carton or serve my condiments from a muffin tray at a party.

Before the advent of the ingenious life hack from Buzzfeed or Reddit there were always the top tips from ‘Woman’s Own’. People won prizes and mentions for tips such as:

“Do you find your shoes smell and there is nothing you can do to shift the smell? Simply pop a piece of burnt toast in each sole and leave it overnight.”

Maureen, Cornwall

“I had lots of video cassettes that I no longer watched but it seemed a shame to get rid of them. I removed the tape from the cassettes, cut a number of strips to the same lengths and tied them all together at one end. Then I nailed this knotted end of tape to the top of my door. Now I have a unique entrance curtain for my kitchen – and it was great fun to make!”

Tracey Green, Gtr London

“If you and your mates love doing shots but don’t have any fancy glasses, don’t worry. Simply save the tops off your mouthwash, then pour out your choice of tipple into the rinsed-out lids. They hold just the right amount and are completely free.”

Jane Smith, 24, Birmingham

But maybe I’m missing out by not upcycling, reusing and re-purposing. So tonight I shall be wearing slippers made of sanitary towels and earrings made of tampons (I’m thinking Tampax Compak Pearl, natch, but should I go Super or Jumbo?) .

My floppy disc coasters will sit on a table with Cornflake boxes taped to the edges to prevent accidents and the table legs are plonked in old welly boots to stop the carpet being marked. I imagine the evening will be spent putting together a jigsaw made from shredded family photos or perhaps making a festive candle by sticking coloured drawing pins into a normal candle.

When my guests arrive, the ironing board will be covered with a sheet as a makeshift table, the breadsticks served in a toilet roll tube, onion rings stacked on a kitchen roll holder and the salad in the plastic window from a washing machine.

The CDs will be stored in a plastic tray from a beef joint and no-one will spot that the after dinner mints are slices of frozen toothpaste. I won’t be splashing out on  birthday candles, matches work just as well and save money!!

So if you prefer a pinch of salt with your hints, why not try these (some thanks to Viz and others from ‘Top Tips for Life ‘by David Harris):

  • Convince friends you won the ‘Slimmer of the year’ contest by buying a pair of massively oversized trousers and having your photograph taken wearing them.
  • Worried that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking red wine? Drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed, to remove the stains.
  • Can’t afford expensive wine? Just sitting with a glass and simply fall over later, saving both money and a terrible hangover!
  • Don’t waste money on expensive sat navs. Simply order a taxi to your destination then follow it in your car.
  • Spice up a boring salad by replacing the vegetables with bacon and placing between two slices of bread.

 

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. LOVE the tips pages in women’s mags for how utterly shite they are, the more example photos the better. Skipping rope handles – genius. Geniusly bad. #stayclassymama

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Hahaha this is hilarious. I like the tip about drinking white wine to remove the staines, excellent advice! I’ll be honest I clicked on this thinking “oh I love these sort of things,” and as I read on I have to agree that they never really do give you good advice. I remember reading them but I don’t remember anything that it said lol. Love this post, thanks for the laugh and sharing with #StayClassyMama!

    Liked by 1 person

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